Just Once Only...

At this juncture she only has many random thoughts engulfing her mind...She is jittery for sure... a wandering mind and heart...questions unanswered...a bundle full of emotions that she does not want to release... (she hums to herself a song by Tagore... “Daariye acho tumi amar gaaner oparey...”)...

As she lay on her bed trying to find comfort her six year old daughter Raie hugs her and cuddles up to her..

Who is this She I am referring to?? Her name is Trishna fondly called Trishu by her loved ones...Trishna is married for the last 8 years...she is a English teacher, a mother, a wife and a wanderer...

Raie asks her mother to sing a song to her...Trishna looks at Raie and (hums another Tagore’s song.. “Khela Ghor Bandte Legechi Amar Moner Bhitore....)

The phone rings suddenly...“Trishna be ready today evening we are going to meet Akash he is in India”..said Raja (Trishna’s husband)

Trishna murmurs Akash ....and anger seems to grip her..as if she is overwhelmed in anguish..

She again hums “jey raaty mor duwar guli bhanglo jhorey jani nai toh tumi ele amar ghorey....”

Evening dawns and Trishna gets ready to meet Akash...Trishna dresses herself in a red saree, a metallic necklace, her eyes big and bright looked even brighter with a thick layer of kajal...and adorns her forehead with a perfect round vermillion bindi...

The vermillion bindi on her forehead seemed like the sun...the fiery red sun near its horizon by the clam sea...

Raja calls out to Trishna lets go Akash must be waiting... Trishna says I am ready...as she runs down the stairs she halts do arrange the pleats of her saree and thinks (Akash hmmm and waiting....)

Raja and Trishna arrive at Akash’s house...a melancholy sets in the dimly lit and artistically designed house of Akash...

 Akash in his early 30’s is dressed in a black kurta and a pair of blue denims...he wore a pair of rimless glasses...

As Trishna saw Akash after 8 long years she could not help herself and kept gazing at him standing beside the door... She hums “ektuku chowa lagey ektuku kotha shuni....”

Come in says Raja and ushers Trishna inside the house...as Trishna steps in she seems to have lost her poise and appeared to be in a frantic state of mind...

Akash for the first time looks at Trishna and tells her “You look so much more beautiful and gracious must be the love of Raja”...

Trishna sits down quietly...Raja brings out drinks to celebrate their reunion...cheers to our friendship...Akash looks at Trishna and says cheers to your happy married life...

An uproar of anger is seen in Trishna’s eyes...Raja senses an air on uneasiness between Trishna and Akash...he leaves them alone for a bit on the pretext of getting dinner...

For the first time in 8 years Trishna and Akash were infront of each other...

Akash- So how is your married life going..?? (when he uttered these words tears rolled down his cheeks)

Trishna- (very sternly said) Married life hmmmm good very good actually... I have a husband, a little princess Raie and a job what more does anybody want.... (she got up dragging herself close to the chair on which Akash was sitting)

Akash- (looks at Trishna...a blank gaze and murmurs) I am sorry...

Trishna- right I am also sorry...sorry about your wife...by the way you didn’t need to send me your wedding card you know... (she sits down near the feet of Akash weeping...the pleats of her saree plummets down...)

Akash- I married her because my mother wanted me to...you know my mother was unwell I had no time to take a decision (he draws Trishna close and looks at her eyes steaming in anger and rage)

Trishna- you never tried to contact me even once...send a message through someone...it was so easy for you to run away...you played with me...like a mad cap I kept looking for you...I even went to your hostel but from there too I could not get any information (she begins to hum “ami tomar preme hobo shobar kolonko bhagi...ami shokol dagi hobo dagi...kolonko bhagi) 

Akash- You also got married the next month...(Trishna looked up as if she would kill him)  Raja had mailed your wedding card...

Trishna- (Yells at Akash)... What was I supposed to do tell me...huh...(grabs him by the collar) wait for your wife to commit suicide and then you would come to me and then what huh... It was always about you...your dreams, your career, you you you...just you (she gets up in disgust and stands against the wall weeping)

Akash- I didn’t kill Brishti... I didn’t kill her (he screams and slams the table)

Trishna- you did...you killed all four of us...me, yourself, Brishti and Raja...One decision of yours changed everything...for ever (tears rolling down her eyes she again hums “Shoki bhabona kharey boley shokhi jatona khare boley...tomra je bolo dibosho rojoni..bhalobasha bhalobasha...shoki bhalobasha karey koi...shei ki keboli jatona moi......)

Raja enters the room he seems to know everything...he looks at Akash and questions Why Akash why did you do this to us...For 8 years I have been longing to see love for me in Trishna’s eyes but...she was Rambha to me as she lay beside me...but her heart was wondering and loathing...he is the janani of my child...but Akash (Raja gasps for breathe) I know Raie is not a child born out of the love between me and Trishna...

Akash- Time played the folly...each day each second in the last years I have lived with the guilt that I did not communicate...I did not try to reach out...I did not try...not even one try...may be nothing would change but atleast i should have tried...

(Akash’s voice lowers, his teary eyes look at Trishna....Trishna slowly moves near him and sits beside him)

Raja I killed Brishti... she was a blessed girl but I killed her...after our wedding we left for UK for ma’s treatment...one night Brishti confronted me...she asked the reason why I could not give her the place of my wife...why I did I lie to her... I lost my temper...and told her Akash can only quench the thirst of Trishna....

That night Brishti sat motionless when I fell asleep I didn’t know...when I woke up I saw Brishti still motionless but I knew she was gone...she left a note saying “Birshti is Akash’s”...

My mother also passed away a week later and my world came to an end...

Raja- you never contacted us then why after so many years are you here...you have brought in the turmoil we have been silently avoiding...

Akash- I have come to Trishna...I am Trishna’s sinner...I have come to ease her down, I cannot quench Trishna....but I ran away n now I am running back again...

Trishna- Running back is so easy?? Akash... if this was so we all would run back in time...what is done cannot be undone...  but yes if only...

You had tried to contact and communicate once things would have been different...truly different...

(she wipes her tears walks towards the door and says Akash Trishna was over the day you ran away...she weeps and hums “Shoki bhabona kharey boley shokhi jatona khare boley...tomra je bolo dibosho rojoni..bhalobasha bhalobasha...shoki bhalobasha karey koi...shei ki keboli jatona moi......)

A Phone Call That I Did Not Make.....

 Chilling Delhi winters ... to be precise the month of February 2011... day and date I don’t remember..but the memory is fresh & disturbing...

 My room-mate (Sona) is an early riser, and as always that winter morning she woke around 6.45 am...She opened the front door of our house and she screamed her lungs out... No it wasn’t her trick to wake me up...But her scream did make me jump off my bed...I stood on my bed rubbing my eyes wondering what had happened....

 Cut To The Previous Evening- I had gone to visit my cousin sister and later in the day even my roomy joined me there...Sona told me that our neighbours and landlord had come searching the terrace in search of a girl... A house hold help to be precise ...

 This little girl barely 12 years old I thought, worked as a household in our neighbour’s house...we never spoke but always acknowledged each other’s presence through a smile or a silent eye contact....

 Cut To Winter Morning- I gathered composure and moved close to Sona to see what was happening... Sona was almost motionless as she stood staring at a girl sitting on our shoe rack covering herself with a shawl...

 We could not see clearly due to the mist and I bet we both would give anything for it to be a dream...but it wasn’t...

 The girl was actually present there and she sat there unaffected by our presence and gesturing us to keep quiet.. Yes she told us to keep quiet lest we would get some unnecessary attention...

 We somehow gathered our wits and managed to talk to her...First how did she manage to escape the eye of so many people who came searching for her... She had spotted a ladder on our terrace and used it to limb up to the terrace of another house and stayed there the whole night... Then why did she come down in the morning... She heard some noise and thought somebody was coming so she climbed down again....

(N.B—I and Sona only went further into trance thinking so much was happening just outside our house and we didn’t know anything...Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr)

 Why did she run out of the house...Allegedly she was ill-treated, beaten up in that household....Where did she want to go...She wanted to go some sister’s house in Rajouri Garden..

(N.B—She had no idea about the address or the phone number of this sister of hers)

 She then took out a small paper, something like a visiting card in a decrepit condition..we somehow jotted down a phone number from that card and managed to find out from her that her mother tongue was Sadri (a language spoken by tribal’s in Jharkhand)...She had no idea who brought her there...and where exactly she would go...

 Me and Sona were in a fix as to what would be the best thing to do...To hand her over to her owners was bounding on us...So we did hand her over to them and told her that in case they kept her back..she should let us know and we would do the needful...

Needless to mention the scolding and the ill treatment her owner meted out to her when we informed them about her presence...

Me and Sona left for office later in the day...when we came back home we checked on the girl and she was not there...they must have send her back to where they had got her from....

 I felt the pinch of the irresponsible behaviour on my part...if I couldn’t do anything I should have called up the child helpline centre...but I didn’t...Why I don’t know...but I didn’t and that is the fact...

 To add to my dismay...I and Sona made a phone call in the number that we had jotted down from the visiting card...

 It was a bizarre conversation..people speaking on the other side of the phone weren’t even sure about the location of the so called office...they mentioned the name of an apartment called Alak-Nanda...they said they can provide us with young kids to work as domestic help and told us to visit them...It did not take any master mind to understand that there was something definitely wrong but we had no means to verify the facts....

 This incident somehow didn’t want leave my memory and turned more miserable... Almost after two months as I was surfing through the TV channels...I heard the word Alak-Nanda...it was coming on the channel Star News....How far Star News is to be trusted is a matter of debate but what they showed swapped me off my feet... That apartment Alak-Nanda was a hub for child trafficking... small children from nearby tribal areas were brought here in the name of giving them work and were placed as household helps and even other sort of business... and the news clip went on to show details about the entire business was being run in that building Alak-Nanda..

 I can choose to believe that the girl I am talking about is safe..that the Alak-Nanda apartment being shown in the news is not the one I came to know off...and the girl is back with her family...

 But I know what was happening was just the opposite....

 For me this is one incident for which I can never forgive myself...one phone call was all that was needed just to ensure the girl was safe... The girl had no expectation from me I know because here deep black eyes were blank just a tinge of hope that she herself could make things better....

And in the end what was needed was...Just One Phone Call...

A phone call that I did not make.... !!

Just as I SEE & FEEL IT !!

  Before its construction this locale was a ridge, enclosed with Kikar trees, populated by jackals and wild pigs. This area was visited by ht e residents of Kashmere Gate, Civil Lines during the weekends for partridge hunting.

 There were plans to have a central business quarter, as the edifice of the new capital of Imperial India began taking shape, mooted by W.H. Nicholls (the chief architect to the Government of India) who deliberated a central plaza based on the European Renaissance and Classical style. However after Nicholls left India in 1917, it was Robert Tor Russell, {chief architect to the Public Works Department (PWD)}, Government of India who eventually designed the plaza.

The area is instantaneously identifiable on any map of Delhi, being the big circle in the centre with radial roads spreading out in all directions, like spokes on a wheel. It is a rationally designed area and is home to one of India's first underground market- Palika Bazaar (Municipal Market), named after Nagarpalika. While outer Circle known as Connaught Circus (officially Indira Chowk), houses rows of shops and hotels, the restaurants and the Middle Circle has offices and small eating outlets.

 Connaught Place is one of the biggest financial, commercial and business centres in Delhi. It was developed as a showpiece of Lutyens' Delhi featuring a Central Business District. The place is named after the Duke of Connaught, the construction work was started in 1929 and completed in 1933. CP was renamed as the Rajiv Chowk after the late Indian Prime Minister Rajiv Gandhi.

        

{Facts taken from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Connaught_Place,_New_Delhi)

 A small historical backdrop for a place that forms the heart of Delhi was essential for many of us have been to this place umpteen number of times and yet do not know much about it...CP from the time of its establishment holds the record of being one of the busiest commercial hub...and till date continues to be so...

  But as a wanderer around CP the essence of the place for me is very different. As I walk around the inner circle moving around the European Renaissance and Classical style Central Plaza, it’s like one can breathe the imperial air and sense British ladies walking around dressed in lacy gowns.

 Sip a hot cup of coffee sitting in a corner in Indian Coffee House and feel the aura that the very presence of so many diverse people creates. Every single person moving around in CP has a purpose of their own but all form the very spirit that CP has...

 There is no dearth of branded outlets in CP...one is free to shop for any branded item but the charm that is there to pick up random items from Pallika Bazar, Janpath, vendors from Gujarat and Rajasthan cannot be found in the sophisticated showrooms. The traditional and old charm of CP is retained by these vendors who make small stalls of books / accessories/ clothes / bags etc, just outside the big showrooms. Strange you know but these vendors are not hassled by the big names, branded outlets, rich or poor, they are out there to make a living of their own....

 You can choose eateries / food joints like McDonald / CCD / Barista / Nirula’s / Cafe 100 / KFC / Yo China, etc for eating wide variety of delicious snacks. But the magnetism and masti of eating golgappa, cheese balls, samosa, potato fry, kufi faludu, momo, etc, from the street side vendors is unrivalled and scintillating.

 You are in a mood to hangout and relax then just sit on the railings of the outer circle / pallika bazaar eat a chuski and observe all kinds of weird / happy / funny / sad faces all around you. As the eyes and mind wander around,  in one far corner you can also see a lady in her twenties I presume barely clothed, malnourished lying down in a corner of the Central Plaza, probably sleeping or in pain as it is evident she is pregnant.  

 As the sunsets and CP is all lit up with lights, and crowd ever enthusiastic enjoying expedition in CP, eyes fall on some people who are out on business you see. Indians and Foreigners both can be their clients and hence begins the transaction.  

 Tall buildings, branded outlets, eateries, restro-bars name it and you get it in CP...but for me the extravagance of CP comes from the elegant architecture of the European Renaissance and Classical style Central Plaza, the imperial air that still blows around CP, the people from all race, caste, color, creed, rich and poor, young and old, the road side vendors, janpath, pallika bazaar, the handicraft shops and the list is endless...

So here it is the Dil of Dilli if I may call it so - Connaught Place / Rajiv Chowk, just as I SEE & FEEL IT !!

INSANE IT IS !!

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH...we don’t need cabinet meetings...condolences...candle light march...n den forget abt it all...if d govt & intelligence agency is aware about how d bombs were planted..who may have done it...new terrorist groups are being formed..Y no steps are being taken 2 stop them...

What diplomatic relations, what development, what civilization are we talking about?? The question that haunts me Do We Need A Govt, Defence Force at all... Are they doing anything at all...train accidents, bomb blasts, rape, honour killing, etc,etc,etc.....the list just goes on...tears, wails, helplessness, is what we “Aam Adami” are left with...fight against corruption is it?? Fight against terror?? What should we fight for when there is no guarantee that we will live to see the morning light each day...

In India today...nobody is safe... either you get killed or become handicapped by a ‘Terror Attack’ I mean Bomb Blasts...oh there are better things on the list... A father will kill his daughter for hanging out with boys...or as a girl you have an amazing chance of getting raped... As a farmer you may give up your life fighting with the administration to save your farming land or better still commit suicide as you don’t have enough money to pay off your debts.... There is more to it actually as you have a terrible marital life you can choose to kill your wife in cold blood...as a desperate mother & wife you can throw your child from the terrace and kill yourself too...

I mean I am just putting down random thoughts...but it’s an outburst of the chaos in which we all live each day....Where are we heading we don’t know...what lies ahead can any of us predict??

With what vision had “Tagore” written “Where The Mind Is Without Fear”.... may be the quintessence is lost.... But I need a ray of hope each day just to breathe and live...for what I See and hear every single minute is unbearable  and insane...

And then some where the poem written by “Kobiguru” continues to be a source of inspiration for me and hence I gone saying to myself..

“Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high

Where knowledge is free

Where the world has not been broken up into fragments

By narrow domestic walls

Where words come out from the depth of truth

Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection

Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way

Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit

Where the mind is led forward by thee

Into ever-widening thought and action

Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.”